Shhh...

Can I tell you a secret? Sure I can. The internet is totally a safe place where one can share their deepest, darkest secrets (said no one, ever).

Well. About five years ago, I started writing something. An idea burrowed itself in my head and decided to stay there, forever. Even when I told myself, no way, this is not something I want to write about, I found myself creating characters, putting them in front of a backdrop, weaving together worlds that had no business being near each other. It was about three months after that idea stubbornly built a home inside my mind that I realized...it was good. Without realizing, I had practically written a story that I liked, that I enjoyed, that I (dare I say it?) loved. It was exciting to me and I wrote it out because I wanted to, not because I thought someone else might enjoy it, not because I thought it would be totally publishable (that, apparently, is a word!), but because I wanted to write it. I would rush home from work, where I had sat for eight hours that day, dreaming, sketching, teasing, and write down whatever came from me, whatever felt right at that moment. When I finished, I had something that I could really see sharing with the world.

And then the inner editor raised her ugly head.

I started looking at it as one might look at week old Chinese food: it was disgusting; it was trash; why was it still on my desk? So I threw it aside, knowing that it was destined for nothing. When I finally went back to it, I destroyed it, cutting it up into unrecognizable pieces, thinking about the public more than myself. I had thought about that stupid quote, write what you know, instead of writing what I liked. These other stories that I've been writing, that I've been chronicling here, those have been the real distractions. But with a helpful kick in the butt from my boyfriend, I've finally gotten back to what I love: the idea that wouldn't die.

I've sketched it out again, starting from scratch, because I'm once again excited about it. I want to see how this new world I've created will play out, and how my characters will react to it. Oh, my characters. I'm more in love with them than ever. And while I hope that the public, who may see my little story, will love them, I don't really care about that right now. All I care about is being happy at the end of the day with what I've accomplished.

So, yes, I skip around. I follow different threads until I can't follow them anymore. But now I have a support team and now I know what I'm supposed to be doing. And it's this, it's All You've Left Behind, the story that wouldn't quit. It's the story that made me love writing.