Hooray for August!

Well, that was another vacation!

I may as well get it out right now: I haven't been writing. I'm a terrible person. Horrible. (No good and very bad.) I've been thinking things over and I realized something. It's not something that I wanted to realize, nor was it something that I wanted to say out loud because that would mean some serious work. Not that I'm averse to serious work, but this kind of work would be something else. Okay, what did I realize? Take a deep breath, everyone:

I think I may want to rewrite the second installment of Amory.

Now that I see it in writing, it's not so scary. Look, I started writing this series back in 2008, and I had the idea for it in about 2007. The first book has been through the ringer so many times that I'm surprised Amory made it through (for reals: the first draft involved some weird kid that was supposed to kill Rick and start the second coming of Hell. Oh, yeah, and he fell in love with Amory and proposed to her). I can't believe that I thought this first draft would be okay with me. Like, I love it, I really do, but there's some things that I need to add, and I hate going back and adding them at weird moments. You know when you read a book and then see a really awkward, random piece of information, and you just know that the author stuck that in there during the second or third or fourth edit? I don't want that, especially because what I need to add is a pretty big component to the rest of the story, and that's not exactly something that you just throw in there. I've had this in my head for quite some time, but it didn't seem right while I was writing it, and now that I've looked at the story a few times, I know that's where I need to go.

So, yes, while I'd like to keep most of the story, I'm thinking about starting over. It shouldn't take me that long, as long as I start right away and don't dally around with things. I don't have a lot of time this summer because of work and looking for a new job and worrying about everything in between that, but I do have a few hours that I could spend not reading Harry Potter (fat chance, right?) or watching TV or playing video games.

That's been my problem with this story and I don't know why it took me so long to figure that out. I'd already edited it twice before I went back a third time and thought to myself, What is happening here? I wasn't into anymore. I thought that maybe it was because editing is a pain in the butt and I was over it, but now I realize that it's because I didn't like all the little things I had to stick in and smooth the story around. Not only is it annoying and time-consuming, but, after awhile, I started to not recognize my story anymore.

So, I suppose, I should get back to a schedule. My posts are going to come on Monday and Wednesday now (or I'm going to try my hardest). I'll keep you all updated with what's happening in the story and also maybe a few other things. Like, not only am I a German master now (not really), I'm also trying my hand at cooking. I can bake like no other, but cooking has eluded me. If I mess up cookie batter, that's no problem because at least I still have cookies. But if I mess up chicken, I'm screwed (for the record, I've made a few chicken recipes and they were delicious, so I'm not completely hopeless). But this schedule obviously started next week. This week is kind of filling up, but I thought I'd get something in. Let you all know that my impromptu vacation was not fun at all (long months with little paychecks never are), but that I'm back now and I'm going to get working.

After Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, of course.

Update...Again

Yep, yep, yep, I'm still around. Still lurking around the internet trying to find my way in life. That sounds way more dramatic than what I've really been doing for the last thirteen days, but that's what it feels like sometimes. I thought that I've had existential crises before, but this one really threw me. Being really down on yourself also doesn't help. But, thankfully, I've seemed to break through it and I've just started to really get back into my writing. Sure, Spike and Buffy may have had some help in that (weirdly enough), but whatever helps, right?

Seeing as we're halfway through July, I have to get my butt in gear. I feel like I'm racing against time here, and I have to remind myself that I'm only thirty-one. If things don't happen right away, then that's okay. Some newbie authors are entering their forties right now, so I'm doing okay.

My biggest problem is just sitting back and thinking that people are just going to flock to my book without even knowing about it. I've done some preliminary research on some of the review sites and it hasn't been too uplifting. Some of the sites ask for money, and that's not something that I have at the moment. At least, not what some of them are asking. Other sites are nicer and offer services for free, but they require certain things, such as so many reviews. Well, that's what I'm trying to do! It's a catch 22, but I'm trying my best to work with it all. More sales, more promotion, more everything.

I guess what I'm most worried about is turning into some of those authors that I follow on Twitter. While I understand what they're doing and why they're doing it, sometimes they bombard my Twitter feed with their book promotion. I suppose it's pretty successful sometimes, because I do click on the links and think about buying their books. Being pushy has it's perks, right?

But, besides all the book nonsense, I'll be glad when this summer ends. It's been so hot and I'm sure my electric bill is ridiculous and I'm ready for hot drinks and warm doughnuts and being able to wear jeans without the worry of them sticking to the back of my legs. I've also been reading too few books (sadly!!) and watching far too much TV (Buffy forces you to watch eight episodes in a day, I swear). But my German lessons are going well. Oh, did I not tell you all? Yeah, I've decided to learn German. Because, you know, in this day and age in America, German will get me far. I don't even care, though. I'm having a good time learning it and I'm super proud of myself each time my program asks me to translate some German sentence and I don't even have to turn to my notebook filled with foreign words. Seriously. I'm already ten pages into a new notebook and I'm trying to remember all the words I'm writing down.

Basically, I'm just trying to keep busy to keep the stress and unhappiness at bay. Hopefully this plan works. Fingers crossed.

I'm Alive!

I feel like I've been pretty MIA this week. I kind of spaced on the whole sale thing, I didn't once think about tweeting, and my Tumblr has been there for me to laugh at when I feel like strangling a child. It's been kind of crazy this week, and I thought that maybe I'd be able to get back on schedule next week, but I forgot that I'm leaving for a mini vacation tomorrow afternoon. I'll be gone until Tuesday afternoon, so I figured I would write this out and let the world know that I'm alive and that things have been good, just insane.

That does mean that I haven't been doing any writing this week. Not that I haven't wanted to or even had ideas for it. I've been jotting down things here or there (seriously: I just found half a napkin with dialogue written on it). I just haven't had time and when I do have the time, I'm too tired to do anything other than collapse on the floor and let my cat use me as a drooling board. I'm hoping, though, that when things get back to normal (the week after this one), I'll be able to devote a little time to writing. I'm still searching for a new job and trying not to spiral into madness, so there's a lot on my plate right now. But we'll see. Things have to turn around and go on the upside, right?

Anyway, I have to pack and clean up and make sure the cat won't tear the apartment into shreds before I leave. I hope everyone had a safe and festive 4th (or, if you read this outside of the US, a safe and festive any other day of the year!), and I'll see you all later!

Welcome Back!

So, the two weeks are over (more or less) and I'm back. Not because I have to be, but because I want to be.

I guess I kind of left without any explanation. Honestly, I didn't know what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I didn't want to write and I didn't want to do anything. Seriously: anything. I would look at my bed and knew that I had to straighten even a corner, and it just seemed like too much. I've never been inclined toward depression, but sometimes when things become too much for me, I shut down. I stress super easily (fantastic, right?) and have this awful habit of not talking about my feelings. So I bottle them up and then they just kind of explode, sending me into a depression-like spiral where I'm so lazy that sometimes I go a day or two without eating because it's far too much for me to make meals. That's where I was two weeks ago. My boyfriend and I are in talks to get a house, and that's a lot of responsibility, most of all in the financial department. So instead of just saying, "My goodness, I am awfully scared of doing this because I'm not sure how I'll be able to afford this," I shut down. I freaked out and me entire body fell asleep.

Now why am I sharing this? Well, a few days ago, I realized that this whole thing caused a mental shutdown, as well. This is also known as "writer's block." I've heard that it's painful, and I always assumed they meant physically. While, yes, it hurt my brain a bit, I understood the pain they were talking about. It hurts to open a file and stare at it for a half hour without any ideas, without any want to write. It was terrifying. I began having serious doubts about my future as a writer and that led to thoughts of, Well, really, does it matter? I don't think anyone is going to read my stuff anyway.

Scary.

This was also stemming from the fact that I know I need to get a new job and I've been somewhat of a slacker in that department. It's just, I love my current job, low hours and all. But we all have to grow up sometime and get real jobs, right? But my boyfriend pointed out that I wouldn't have much time for writing, and that hurt. I love to write, even stupid stuff that I know will never see the light of day. Most of the time it's therapeutic, a little listener that doesn't talk back. So that added a lot to the spiral downward, because if I didn't write, then what would I do to relax, to get my brain moving happily?

Basically what I'm trying to say is, while there's a lot going on in my life - and there will be a lot more added quick enough - I'm not going to quit writing. I won't be able to dedicate the time that I would like to to it, but I'll still be going. That does mean that if I keep putting out books, it's going to take a little longer than usual. Of course, I'm averaging one per year so far, so maybe it'll stay the same!

I also want to say thanks to those who take precious time out of their day to read the insane ramblings of a wannabe writer. I'll try and be better for the coming posts, and I'll even try not to complain too much about the duration of the World Cup (because, trust me, there's plenty in my brain right now).

Thanks everyone!

M.I.A.

You may (or may not) have noticed that I was absent last week. Things were kind of busy and hectic and, honestly, I was in a bad mood. Not one of those bad moods where I want to be angry at everyone and everything, but one of those bad moods were I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. Not the best mood, really.

I was (well, still am) grappling with some stuff. Some of that stuff has to do with writing. I haven't lost my love for it or anything, but sometimes I feel like it's taking up a lot of time and it's just not getting the results that I want or need. I haven't stopped. In fact, I started a pretty awesome story last week that's not really my style at all, but I fell in love with it because it's been helping me get out some emotions and thoughts that I'm not entirely comfortable with. I tried working on Amory, but my mood didn't allow much. That doesn't mean that I'm off track or anything; it just means that I didn't work on it as much as I wanted to.

Now that I've sufficiently warned you, I can get to the bad news.

Tomorrow I start summer school. That means my hours change, so instead of going to work in the afternoons, I'll start in the morning and be home anywhere between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m. I could do what I'm doing now, which is write a blog post the night before and schedule it to be posted in the morning. Or I could tell you all that the time is about to change and to look for my posts in the early to late afternoon. Or I could take the third option, which is to take a little break from this thing and come back when I'm adjusted to my new schedule.

Based on last week, which option do you think I'm going with?

I'm not leaving forever. My plan is to take a vacation for the rest of June and then come back June 30th, since July 1st is on a Tuesday. And this isn't just because of the schedule. I have to step back and make some tough decisions about my writing and where it's going. I figure with one less thing to worry about, I can keep a clear mind and look to the future instead of making rash decisions based on the present.

But that doesn't mean I'll be completely MIA, no matter what the blog post says. I'll still be on Twitter (well, as much as I am on Twitter) and Tumblr (see previous parenthetical note), and I'm not leaving you guys empty handed! Tomorrow (Tuesday the 17th), All You Left Behind will be on sale for $1.99. From tomorrow morning (Tuesday...I hate writing for future dates) until Saturday at midnight, you can get the first book for almost 72% off! That's a steal! (Insert cheesy 80s music here.) For those of you who follow me on Twitter, I'll remind you every now and again about the deal (and that I'm still alive).

So, have a good June, people. I'll see you soon.

Not About Me For Once!

Oh my gosh, you guys, this is going to be a short one. Summer colds suck. Have you heard that one before? If you've been to this blog, then, yes, you have. I'm right in the middle of one and I have to get rid of it before tomorrow night for REASONS, so I'm planning on an early night loaded with AlkaSeltzer Nighttime whenever I can guzzle it down.

The good part of all this is that I have something to share, something that's not about me for once! We'll get back to that next week (mainly because since I've been sick this week, I've done zilch on the writing front, but lots on the Buffy front). I'm not entirely sure if, during my many gushing posts I included any books by Marita Hansen. If I have not, shame on me! She's awesome. Better than awesome. Each time she comes out with a book, I engulf it in one sitting. Seriously. Her books keep me up to all nights. Of course, I should mention that some of her books are not safe for young eyes, or even older eyes that don't appreciate a few hot scenes here or there. But rejoice, my friends, because she's coming out with a book that could appeal to everyone!

Back in October, Ms. Hansen had this awesomely amazing idea to write stories like we watch television: in episodes. My Master's Nightmare is steamy and sexy and hot and so, so dangerous. I was late to the party, so I was able to buy the first three episodes and devour them in one sitting. But that meant I had to wait until the next one came out, and that was no fun, trust me. But now! She's moving onto Ricardo, a sort of spin-off from those books, but (rejoice again!) if you haven't read any of My Master's Nightmare, don't worry! You can still read Ricardo. And, boy, do you want to...

The Santini brothers belong to one of the most powerful mafia families on their island. This is Ricardo Santini's story, the oldest of the brothers who has lost his lover to the mafia war that is plaguing his land. Due to his grief, he unleashes his violent nature upon anyone who dares cross him, his need to punish his enemies all encompassing. But what he doesn't count on is Bianca D'Angelo walking back into his life, the only other woman he has ever loved. Bianca had once loved Ricardo, but left him due to his violent nature. After an abusive marriage to another man, she vows off all relationships, just wanting to be left alone. But when she accidentally kills one of the most powerful men on the island, she is forced to stay with the Santini brothers for her own protection. Upon seeing Ricardo again, she attempts to deny her feelings for him, terrified of falling into another violent relationship. But Ricardo isn't one to be denied a second time, Bianca not knowing what hit her. (WARNING: Unlike RICARDO, My Masters' Nightmare is about the D'Angelo family, who are human traffickers. It has graphic non consent and dub consent scenes. If this isn't for you, you should wait for RICARDO (The Santini Brothers #1).

Is that not enough for you? Then how about the cover...

She always has the best covers, I swear.

Also! She set up a Rafflecopter giveaway that's super awesome! All the My Master's Nightmare (episodes 1-10) and then two of her other books, as well! Click here to win some amazing books!

Well, I guess that's it for me. Now I'm going to go die. Thank you and goodnight!

Cue Bad 90s Drama Music!

Last time on the blog...

I said that I was going to use this weekend to map out one story and re-edit Amory. At first, I thought I would count this weekend as a loss because I really didn't do either. But then I realized that I rewrote the ending for Amory and jotted down a few notes for what's happening in this new story. So, combined, I think that should make one whole check mark, and one out of two isn't bad!

Really, though, I wasn't expecting much out of this weekend, especially concerning editing. I had to rewrite the ending to see if that was even something I wanted, and then I figured I'd sit on it for a few days, see how it felt. I do really like it, so this week will be a time for editing. Honestly, I didn't truly think that I would edit an entire manuscript this weekend. I know me and my limits for concentrating, and it just wasn't going to happen. Not with the sunshine out and a new book in my hands and the absolutely adorable dogs showing me what they can do in the swimming pool. But at least I wrote out the ending and now I just have to make sure it flows well with the rest of the book. Surprisingly, I think it should because even though this idea popped into my head last week, I noticed, while skimming the book this weekend, that it was already in my mind while writing. So this shouldn't be too difficult!

Now...mapping out the new story. I pretty much failed at that. I started writing, hoping that would help me figure out where these characters are going, but that did nothing but help me write 3,000 words. I'm wondering if I should finish the story this way, just letting whatever come out get on the page, but I'm not sure how long I can last like that. I need control of these characters and it's driving me nuts that they're like, Haha, nope, sorry, I'm doing this and you can just suck it. God, my characters are so rude. So, all I can say is, we'll see.

Also, I'm giving fair warning now: it's June 2nd. For the next month, if there are a few blog posts where I seem to be utterly slacking, don't blame me. Blame Stephen King, Leigh Bardugo, and JK Rowling. They each have a book coming out this month (the 3rd, 16th, and 19th, respectively), and I'm just throwing all my money at them. So...sorry. Kind of.

Speaking of, you should all go broke with me and read these books, too! I'm just tired of having a book club with my cat. She doesn't really bring anything to the table.