Welcome Back!

So, the two weeks are over (more or less) and I'm back. Not because I have to be, but because I want to be.

I guess I kind of left without any explanation. Honestly, I didn't know what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I didn't want to write and I didn't want to do anything. Seriously: anything. I would look at my bed and knew that I had to straighten even a corner, and it just seemed like too much. I've never been inclined toward depression, but sometimes when things become too much for me, I shut down. I stress super easily (fantastic, right?) and have this awful habit of not talking about my feelings. So I bottle them up and then they just kind of explode, sending me into a depression-like spiral where I'm so lazy that sometimes I go a day or two without eating because it's far too much for me to make meals. That's where I was two weeks ago. My boyfriend and I are in talks to get a house, and that's a lot of responsibility, most of all in the financial department. So instead of just saying, "My goodness, I am awfully scared of doing this because I'm not sure how I'll be able to afford this," I shut down. I freaked out and me entire body fell asleep.

Now why am I sharing this? Well, a few days ago, I realized that this whole thing caused a mental shutdown, as well. This is also known as "writer's block." I've heard that it's painful, and I always assumed they meant physically. While, yes, it hurt my brain a bit, I understood the pain they were talking about. It hurts to open a file and stare at it for a half hour without any ideas, without any want to write. It was terrifying. I began having serious doubts about my future as a writer and that led to thoughts of, Well, really, does it matter? I don't think anyone is going to read my stuff anyway.

Scary.

This was also stemming from the fact that I know I need to get a new job and I've been somewhat of a slacker in that department. It's just, I love my current job, low hours and all. But we all have to grow up sometime and get real jobs, right? But my boyfriend pointed out that I wouldn't have much time for writing, and that hurt. I love to write, even stupid stuff that I know will never see the light of day. Most of the time it's therapeutic, a little listener that doesn't talk back. So that added a lot to the spiral downward, because if I didn't write, then what would I do to relax, to get my brain moving happily?

Basically what I'm trying to say is, while there's a lot going on in my life - and there will be a lot more added quick enough - I'm not going to quit writing. I won't be able to dedicate the time that I would like to to it, but I'll still be going. That does mean that if I keep putting out books, it's going to take a little longer than usual. Of course, I'm averaging one per year so far, so maybe it'll stay the same!

I also want to say thanks to those who take precious time out of their day to read the insane ramblings of a wannabe writer. I'll try and be better for the coming posts, and I'll even try not to complain too much about the duration of the World Cup (because, trust me, there's plenty in my brain right now).

Thanks everyone!