Truth With Some Cheese

I'm about to be super honest.

For the last few weeks, I've been in somewhat of a downward spiral. You know those? You start off hating one thing, and then it moves onto something else, and then another hateful thing adds onto that, and then, bam! Downward spiral.

I'm not depressed. Trust me, I've seen depression, and that is not what my downward spiral is about. No, it's more about hating everything and everyone around me until I feel like I could explode from so much hate. Then, a few days ago, I was watching the Olympics and messing around on Tumblr (because of course), and I noticed some kids saying that they were watching Julia Lipnitskaia, which made them wonder what they were doing with their lives. It made me laugh, and then I realized...oh my god, what am I doing with my life??

When I went to college, I applied for the English program because I was terrible at math and science, but I loved reading and writing more than anything. Honestly, I never once thought about what I would do after college, when I received a BA in English literature. Teaching came on the heels of graduation, and everyone in my life was a bit surprised, because I had never really been the best with kids. Really, I had never pictured myself as a teacher, but the further I got into my program, the more I thought that being a teacher wouldn't be so bad.

How was I supposed to know about the economy and teachers being paid barely above a child actor on the Disney Channel?

It's been a sad road, to say the least. When I started seriously writing All You Left Behind, I was halfway through my teaching program and about to rip my hair out of my head. Writing has been a way to release my anger and frustration, a way to get the stress out of my life.

Oh, geez, rereading this makes things sound so bleak. Is this me quitting?

Gosh, no! This all came about because I saw a blurb about someone I went to high school with. This person apparently is a vice president at some company. I didn't even look it up, because the first thing I thought of was, Holy canoli, this person could barely read and understanding Frankenstein in school, and now this person is effectively running a company?

No, my second thought wasn't about quitting. It was about getting better, about getting my life where I want it to be. I have no illusions that I'm going to suddenly become a New York Times Bestselling author (I leave those for my dreams), but that doesn't mean I should give up, right? Of course.

This may just be one long pep talk for me to get going on the sequel and to prepare more advertising for the first book and...well, to do a lot of things. I don't want to say prepare for an onslaught of new things, but I'm going to push my comfort zone a bit, see what I can do with myself, because it's not about being the best in the world (I'll leave that to Bryan Danielson), but about being the best I can be.

Yes, this is cheesy, and yes, this is most likely brought about by my cat going into surgery tomorrow (nothing life-threatening, but she's my kitten, and I'm freaking out inside). Oh wells. I'm very rarely cheesy on this thing, so I'm okay with it once in awhile.

Oh, yeah, and Happy Valentine's Day! Hope this isn't an indication for what the rest of your weekend shapes up to be.